5 Ways to Hide Your Gym Farts

August 20, 2015 Luas Redbird

Don’t give me that look. We’ve all done it.

Lifting is serious business, and some people will give anything to complete their set… including their dignity.

But it’s all with good reason. What would you rather have? 5 seconds of uncomfortable clenching and a weak set – or sounding your biological beacon and making serious gains in the progress?

That’s what I thought.

However, the reception from other lifters after the set isn’t always as spectacular as you hoped – that’s why we’ve developed this guide to hiding farts at the gym.

This guide will allow you expel your gassy gains and finish your heavy set with the same aggression and intensity you usually would – only this time your audience won’t be appalled – they’ll applaud.

1. Grunting

When you’re lifting heavy and it’s getting too much, sometimes you have to make a primal roar. This channels your inner alpha and the one thing that will make you rip through a set like tissue paper.

However, when “duty” (or your booty) calls during a set, the ‘Grunt of Gains’ is a value ally in sustaining polite society.

When you know you’re close to doing the deed, take a breath, and release both your vocal cords and glute glory at the same time.

Done right, and with enough weight, you’re secret shall be safe.

2. Clang the weight (depending on exercise)

This technique applies more to one of the big three lifts and is vital if you have a storm brewing… and if your gym has metal plates.

It is something that requires expert timing and can go very well, or very wrong, depending on your skill level.

If you’re using metal plates, you’ll notice that at the lockout of a lift they tend to rattle against one another. The quicker you get to the lockout the more aggressive the sound, and that’s exactly what we’re looking for here.

As you feel the force bubbling below you, embrace it and let the aggression of your set drive both you and your gaseous guest to victory. Success should sound like clattering iron, and feel like pure relief.

3. Stay near people with headphones

This is one of the more effective methods for slipping out some smog. There’s only one problem – finding the right conditions.

It’s not hard to find people in your gym with headphones, however, finding people only wearing headphones? That’s a challenge.

Some of your best bets are to circulate around cardio areas, although it may be difficult to lift there.

Another issue is that this method requires serious planning. In most cases when you receive a knock at the backdoor you don’t have a lot of time – and relocating during a set would not only be suspicious, it would ruin the set we were trying to preserve.

This is more of a food-for-thought idea on a particularly gassy day.

4. Inhale Deeply

Ah yes. Common with heavy lifters and arouses no suspicion. Taking a deep breath not only makes noise, it holds no social stigma. It’s the perfect ploy.

When you’re caught short, and you don’t want to alert the masses deeply inhale – this should cover your unwanted body exhale.

Pro Tip: Tighten your lips upon inhalation, it’ll make a louder noise. Trust me.

5. Don’t

You read that right. Don’t.

Ignore it all, let your fart fly.

If you’ve done this, you have two options:

The Coward’s Way
The King’s Way

Coward’s way

If you’ve just let out a screamer, your first course of action is to lock eyes onto a person you know heard it and stare at them with a face of pure accusation. Others that are thinking you did it will follow your line of site and hone in on the ‘culprit’.

The King’s way

Do nothing. Continue as normal without a shred of guilt. With enough confidence, people won’t even think you farted. They’ll assume it was something else.

Either that or they’ll know it was you. However, because you’re rocking such a ‘Boss’ status remaining cool as a cucumber, they won’t no what to think – and just like that all the uncomfortable pressure transfers over. Suddenly your problem has become their problem. Boom.

Overall Conclusion

As you can see there’s a wide range of methods that you can choose from. We’re particularly fans of the classic Grunt and Deep Inhales. Both are both simple and effective to pull off during a set, and can only benefit your aggression and intensity when completing a rep.

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