5 Things You Should Know When You Date a Girl on Steroids
BIG DISCLAIMER: Pictures are unrelated
BIGGER DISCLAIMER: This doesn’t apply to all girls who take juice, just the select few who’s gear takes them a little bit too far.
So you’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard recently and now it feels like you live there.
Clearly you’re in it for the long haul. You’re lifts are going up, your gains are off the chain and your arms look like as if someones been pumping your veins full of synthol. You look good, but you’re not finished yet…
After dedicating every hour Arnold has sent to worshiping the iron and getting your gain going, you seem to have abandoned your social life – And a man has needs.
It’s finally got to you. You’re looking round your gym, weighing up what types of girls are in there and which one would be best for you.
Then you see her: a lifter; hot face, flat stomach and a booty so generous it could make a blind man cry in glorious admiration. This is your girl. And from the way she’s been looking at you during those paused rep bench presses, you’re her guy.
It is on.
Now as you’ve both been cooked up in the iron pit for so long, it was obvious that you were going to get together sooner or later – and this is that moment. You with your 3 plate bench, and your lady with her 5 plate squats. A literal power couple.
Wait a minute, 5 plates? Isn’t that more than you can do? Holy shit.
Holy shit indeed, because you my friend are not only dating a girl that lifts, you’re dating a girl that uses.
Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, who are we to judge?
But we thought we should warn you first though bro, because like men – if your girl doesn’t have her cycle on lock-down you are in for a seriously bad time.
In this short guide we’re going to run you through the main things to expect when you start dating a girl who’s on steroids. The highs, the lows, and the ‘seriously I don’t even-‘ moments of your relationship.
1. You can shut up about your squat
Girls that lift view their lower body like we view our upper – in their mind it’s the part that everyone’s gonna look at. And in the dawn of this internet age and an all-round shallower society, it couldn’t be any closer to truth – if you look like you lift anyway.
Girls that lift hit their glutes hard, and girls on gear? Forget about it.
This is the type of girl who loads up plate after plate on the bar and reps out perfect sets – it is literally the greatest show on earth. The point being here is that these girls are incredible, and as a result of that, you’re squat isn’t even their warm-up. So if you’re already insecure about your legs, now is the time to get out, it’s only going to get worse as her hunger for iron progresses.
But don’t worry bro, you’ll still have a stronger bench than her. And that’s all that matters, right bro, nothing quite says ‘Man’ like having the biggest tits in the relationship… oh wait.
2. Without Makeup Stuff Could Get Weird
Ah yes, although they may look like the definition of raw booty-beauty when they were grinding out those straight-legged deadlifts, it may be a whole other story back at your place.
One of the main thing that anabolic steroids do is increase testosterone, both normal T and DHT – a very strong form of testosterone. These two components not only make your girl into a lifting machine, but they can also sprout facial hair, and let me tell you something bro, bleach can only go so far – that stuff is course.
Another thing you’ve got to worry about is the acne and ‘back-ne’ that may come with the territory. Due to the increase in hormones, there’s usually an excess amount of oil excreted from the skin which can cause some serious zits in multiple locations. Although her body may be rocking, the last thing you want to be doing is getting down with a chick covered in biological bubble wrap.
This doesn’t apply to every girl taking juice, I’m not say their all built like moldy statues rolled around in a barber shop, but if yours is hitting it hard the chances are you may have to go through something like this to some degree.
3. Sex is better?
That’s a question for a reason. Depending on you like it, your sex life is either going to take a big hit, or literally go on steroids. One thing all these hormones do up as well as muscle is sex drive. She’s going to be wanting it, a lot.
It’s going to be pretty rough, so you might want to strap on your big-boy pants to take this one… or literally strap on a strap-on if you’re struggling to keep up.
Again this all depends on what kind of cycle their running an what their taking – but if they’re pretty into this stuff, you need some warnings.
She won’t be like other girls. I don’t mean that in a romantic or spiritual way – you’re going to be noticing some changes down there. Due to your woman essentially going through a second puberty, there’s going to be growth in areas you’d never expect.
Spoiler alert: enlarged clitoris. It’ll definitely make life easier, but from an aesthetics point of view, it’s really in the eye of the beholder.
Another thing to note is that if she’s on a cut, chances are she’s not going to be packing the cans that your last lay had. These milkers are essentially just compounded body fat, the less she has of it, the smaller her cup size.]
Lastly, but not least terrifyingly; deeper voice. Now I know this doesn’t bother some guys, but if the lights are out and it’s just you and your girl making some serious sexual gains – you’re going to be thrown off the sounds of Darth Vader telling you to join the dark side. Add on to that the excess body hair, and the ridiculously hard body – and you my friend may feel rather closeted.
It really depends what way you’re wired. If you have a sex drive that’s strong enough to scare even the hulk away after walking past your bedroom door. You should have nothing to worry about.
4. Relationship Problems x 1000
No relationship is without its problems. Some people say some things, and other people stay mad for days. Hey, it’s life, it’s natural. However, going through these motions with some who’s literally ‘unnatural’ can kick the whole thing into a much higher gear.
People talk shit about ‘roid rage’ being a thing and to an extent it’s true. If you’re someone who doesn’t have a lid on their emotions and behavior and you take juice, you’re probably going to rage.
The same goes for any ladies squirting the sauce – if they don’t have their crap together, trouble is going to start brewing. Aggression, mood swings, bi-polar, manic depression and (oh, god) paranoia can all be side effects when taking too much of the strong stuff.
If you’re not a man for handling drama, back away from Anabolic Annabelle and resume your pleasant stress-free existence.
5. Withdrawal? – Withdraw
You do not want to be around for this one. Coming off a cycle can be a very deflating experience, literally. However, if it’s the lady in your life going through the struggle and not you, I have some bad news… It’s going to suck bro, hard dick and unfortunately it’s not going to be yours.
As we said in the relationship portion of this article. You need to have your emotions under wraps if you’re going to live the unnatural lifestyle. As the side effects for coming off steroids can lead to problems such as;
- Loss of Appetite
These are all serious problems for her, and also serious problems for you. How the hell are you going to continue making all kinds of gains with your girl, if she’s to miserable to leave the house?
It’s a serious dilemma. And one that can’t really be avoided if she wants to come off. Grit and bear bro, grit and bear, and if you can’t handle that you need to get the hell out of the Cold Turkey kitchen.
As promised, those were the main risks you face when you date a girl who always brings a juice box to the gym, if you know what I mean.
So although she may have an awesome body and looks like a serious statue of majestic muscle, make sure you’ve informed yourself first of the physical and mental traits that these women may be carrying while they’re on the way home with you.
Your sanity and your gains depend on it.
Good luck bro.
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