Oh, we’re going to talk about these guys.
We see them everyday, they wear the clothes of your gym, they’re on the wall of your gym and they pretty much live at your gym.
But these guys are not your gym. You didn’t pay to see them mincing around like underprivileged version of the police. You paid to lift iron, and these guys are taking that away from you through their sheer tyranny of will to be the most annoying guy in the gym.
Ok, that doesn’t go for every personal trainer. To noobs some trainers can be the greatest allies since butter and toast. But the rest of these guys are turning into a serious problem.
Here at Fit Chief, we’ve been working hard to pinpoint these guys in the act, so you know what to look out for.
1. Mr Do I Even Lift?
Everyone knows a personal trainer like this – and it’s the last thing you want to see. This is supposed to be a symbol of your gym, a living testimony as to what can be achieved if you work out here – and it doesn’t inspire confidence.
These are your failed athletes and your high school fitness freaks. They had the body and the talent back then, but not now – and they still feel that’s enough.
If their experience and know-how is on point, they’re usually not a problem for an eager-to-learn dough-eyed new lifter – but this usually isn’t the case.
Most of the time these guys are eaten away by their own insecurities, and will more often opt to tell you about themselves in a desperate attempt to justify their uniform – rather than just what to do with that empty barbell.
Not only is this cringeworthy to all who overhear it, this PT is running ‘The Great Gain Robbery’ who is getting taught nothing of value and paying for the privilege.
2. Cardio Creeper
You know you’ve seen this happen. I’ve spied it time and time again from the free weights.
This trainer isn’t that much of a problem to the guys in the gym, we’re too busy grunting away under a bar that weighs slight more than a dead elephant – it’s the girls that need to watch out.
Usually found lurking around the cardio area looking for clientele, these trainers don’t want to know how your diet’s going or what level you’re at on the treadmill. No. These guys just want to know what you’re doing later.
They’re shameless flirts, and although there is a time and a place for that, the gym is not one of them. Don’t get me wrong, we all want a fitness chick, but the last thing you want to do is interrupt her session. Why ruin such a good thing? You’re leaning all over her treadmill – how does this help her?
I hate when someone interrupts me during a workout, and if I was constantly being nudged during my session to engage in ambitious small talk – I would literally change my gym. There’s only so much you can get done in one session, and I’m not sure what muscle humoring an asshole trains.
3. Inspector Form
This one I have a major issue with. This isn’t so much the Form Police as it is an act of ‘Insecurity’ (see what I did there?) These are the guys that will take their client around the on somewhat of a Gym Safari to point out lifters with weak form.
I’ve seen this happen more than enough times, and their subject is almost always bigger than the trainer – which leads me to a theory.
I have two thoughts for why they do this;
1.) To convince the noob that they now know more than the massive veteran lifter (which I’ll tell you right now; they don’t)
2.) The personal trainer doesn’t want to admit that there’s a guy in the gym that is stronger than he is.
One is dangerous and the other is pathetic. A cocksure lifter with nothing but a belly full of donuts and false confidence is destined for disaster, whereas an insecure personal trainer will be too afraid to tell you anything without fear that you’re going to one day grow bigger than he is. They also like to try and point out if a guy is on steroids. Seriously, bro, who cares?
4. Broscience Bullsh*tter
‘Surprise your muscles’ – If you’ve heard that term before, you’ll know exactly what kind of guy I’m talking about.
This type of trainer thinks they know it all. They’ve sat on bodybuilding forums for the last few years, partially digest a couple of concepts and now here they are on to pass all of that confused information on to you. If you’re hearing a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo from these guys and they’re not explaining it – chances are they don’t know shit.
The main thing to remember is that no trainer knows everything – and if they act like they do, the chances of you making any serious gains are about as likely as crossfit. You’re probably better just going over to our workout section and learning the ropes from there.
5. Project Lazy Lifter
This is the guy who will literally watch you while sitting on dumbbells stacked on top of one another. He literally couldn’t give a crap about your gym, and he couldn’t give a crap about you.
These are the guys that won’t get ‘hands on’ with their clients, they’d much prefer armchairing the whole affair from the other side of the gym. It’s far worse when you’re watching one of these guys teach someone to deadlift.
I’m not even joking, can you literally see someone with a back like a drinking giraffe with a PT standing next to them telling them to pull harder. Yeah, good luck with that bro, and enjoy your vacation in Snap City – how long were you going for, again? Oh that’s right, forever.
As you can see, there’s a lot of trouble brewing in the circus of iron. If you’re new to the gym, be wary of these guys – you should be alright for an introductory session but anything past that is anyone’s guess.
If you’re seriously looking to make some gains in the gym, I suggest you start compiling what you’re being told with your own research – try both methods and see which one brings the most to a session. The sooner you become an independent lifter and constantly researching the best ways to kick ass the better.